LJ, Garland, Tx

Hey. I obviously have not made many posts. I know many of you are dissapointed because last year I made a post almost daily. So, what is so different about this year, right? Practically everything! By the time I find time to even write on here, I have too much going through my mind i don't feel i have the ability to write a decent post.

It is truly evident that Father is doing something huge in this place...
It is truly evident God is doing something in my heart...

What God is doing though is evident, but at the same time a mystery. It's easy to get confused, it's even easy to lose focus. It's easy to get annoyed with yes, God. It's easy to sit here and constantly wonder why I have been brought back to this place. It's so easy to get upset about the smallest things and keep it inside until it builds up and I begin to cry. It's so easy to lie about the reasons i'm crying... and blame it on fatigue. While, yes, fatigue is part of it... and it's SO easy to get lost in all of this and make the summer about myself.

I had a good conversation that is apparently not over.. and is to be continued with one of the coolest people I know, and God is truly working on my heart for the nations. Yes i am still in a state of confusion, yes I am still wondering why about many things... but overall I have come and MUST come to the realization that this is all about God and not myself, and if he isn't calling me to the m-field i must embrace that, and if he is calling me.. i too, must embrace that as well...

too much thinking, really..